praise

I am becoming increasingly convinced that it is impossible to love God with all of your heart, mind soul and strength without spending a significantly greater amount of time in praise than in asking requests of him. If we focus on the character, the majesty, the might, power and infinance of God, how can any trial stand up to him? Perhaps this is where we are to be joyful when we experience trials. How else could we?

My life has been a spiritual and emotional roller-coaster for the last few weeks. I have had incredible answers to prayers as well as rather deep disappointments. But yesterday, I chose to praise God despite those disappointments. Not to focus on his blessing, but to focus on him, to thank him for his great enduring love and mercy. Tonight, through tears, I praised him for giving me so much more than I deserve.

I do not deserve my relationship with him, my roommates, my church, my job, my friends or family. I do not deserve love or appreciation, grace or mercy. Fortunately, grace, being unmerited favor, is by definition not what I deserve, yet according to Ephesians 1, he lavishes it on us. I thanked him for these things and then went on to thank him for the lessons that he has taught me through trial. I thanked him for those disappointments and then went on to ask him to make me content in whatever circumstances I am in, just please give me more of himself.

Everyone loves Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Perhaps they love this verse because it is true. I always had a problem claiming this verse because it was written to the entire nation of Israel, but seeing as how I'm grafted into that tree, I think it's still applicable. God, plant me where you want me, use me as you see fit. Make me a man who is after your heart and not my own. You've broken me, shattered me, and destroyed me. I leave it to you to choose how to put my pieces back together, as you are the only one who should. Make me the man you want to carry out your will and make your will the core of my desires.

Caution: I am weird

I fast because I'm hungry I run because I am thirsty I die every day because I want to live I lead because I follow I give everything away to become rich I am weak and broken so that I will be strong I see more when my eyes are closed I'm in love with someone I haven't seen I love the unlovely I am honored when people mock me I embrace these foolish things to become wise I will walk whole heartedly out on any limb He requires, because even if He lets it break, He can teach me to fly.
-Lygon Stevens

Recently, I was introduced to the journals of a young woman named Lygon Stevens. She was a daughter of God, madly in love with Christ. She died in an avalanche in January of 2008 and her opened journals revealed a woman who loved God deeper than anything else, and whose words challenge me now in how I choose to live.

It is so easy to go with the flow of this world. It is so easy to choose to be comfortable, to try to be accepted, to try to not be weird. Yet that is not what we are called to. We are called to a life that is different, that stands out and that is spent in utter denial of self for the sake of honoring Christ. As Paul says in Philippians 3:8, "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

Do I let myself be weird in the eyes of the world? Do I let myself be so madly in love with Christ that I would obey him in a heart beat? Do I let my life speak dramatically of his goodness? I think it's time to step up my game here. Much of the time I'm focused on what I don't have, the sacrifices that I must make or I try to find life in the desires of my heart rather than the love of Christ. I want to be so madly in love with God that I honestly would consider all things rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ.

Recently, God has been revealing the extent of my sin and it is very ugly. It is selfishness and hypocrisy at its worst. I am tired of being a hypocrite, saying I love Christ and then turning to the world for hope. I am done with it. I am reminded of the lyrics of one of my favorite worship songs:

Lord you have my heart
And I will search for yours
Jesus take my life and lead me on.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5,6

A friend recently shared this verse with me on a previous post (via facebook, not actually on this blog). I have been thinking on this verse for a few days now, and I've come to the conclusion that I constantly make decisions based on my own understanding of the universe, yet I am to obey one who created it. I get stressed out and try to do things based solely on my own perspective, yet I have a book full of letters from him who is in control of the whole thing.

Lord give me the proper perspective on reality.

The subtle tactics of our enemy, or a prayer request...

Yesterday, in conversation with one of my co-workers who was a direct hire into the position I would like to be hired on as (I'm currently a temp), I came to find out how much take home pay he gets each check. It's something like $1000 more a month than I make now. Wow. One of my goals in this job is to be hired full time as a process operator (the position I mentioned above), and should that happen, and that really is the starting pay, I could get completely out of debt in 20 months and be able to support a family.

Tonight, at Ignite, I couldn't get this idea out of my head, and it was distracting me from worshiping the Lord. I found my self singing one thing with my brain actively saying "I hope I get that position. I hope in this. Hope hope hope." Note the train of thought here is focused on hoping in getting a job, not in Christ. My active hope in that moment was in making money and having a good position.

Yet the Bible tells us not to hope in money. In fact, if identifies doing so as idolatry. No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. - Luke 16:13. So as my good friend Bryan Morton put it tonight, "We have this enemy, and he's going to try to pull us away from God, and to do that, he's going to bait the line with good things. Getting out of debt, that's a good thing, but our hope is only in that, then it's bad."

So my prayer is this: God, don't let me hope in a good job, good paycheck and a good future. Let me trust you in your infinate goodness, holiness and wisdom, that your plan is perfect. You alone are worthy of my trust.

my awesome day of answered prayer...

So this morning I was running late. One of those days where I kept forgetting everything upstairs. I almost made it all the way to my car before realizing that I didn't have my keys on me. That sort of morning. So as I drove to work, almost ten minutes later than I usually leave, I started praying. I prayed that God would get me to work on time, even though I had left late. I prayed that I would be awake and alert all day. I prayed that I would have fruitful conversation and would be a good representative of Christ.

I called my boss and told him that I would be arriving just as he was finishing the morning meeting. Somehow, I managed to get to work before he had even started. Then, I was put on a process that I really enjoyed, working with a guy that I hadn't gotten to work with in over a month, and the conversation just led into the gospel!

So in answer to my prayer, 1) I was right on time to work. 2) I was put on a job that kept me awake, alert and made my day fly by, and 3) I got to share the gospel.

God rocks!

Some verses I read today...

I was reading in Lamentations today, when I stumbled accross these verses:

Lamentations 3:25-27 - The Lord is good to those who wait for him to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Yesterday, as I was driving and Conlan was snoozing, I was praying. I was praying about a situation in my life that needed some guidance, and I asked God to please give me a verse the next time I opened my Bible concerning whether I should take action now or wait and see what happens. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Sweet.

Then, I read on and got these verses which are a strong comfort to me in many situations:
Lamentations 3:31-33 - For the Lord does not cast off forever, but though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love. For he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

No good parent wants to hurt his children, but there is a difference between discipline and affliction. God does not afflict his children, though he disciplines us as any good parent does. So when God asks me to sacrifice, it is not to push me down, but it is to his glory for my best.

Praise up!

reflecting...

The last three months have been a time of trial for me. On Feb 2nd, I was laid off from my job. In that time, I've sent in about 40-50 applications and got a total of three interviews, one of which I got the time wrong and missed it completely. However, God is a faithful provider and he gave me a job that I start monday.

But in the last three months, I've had to struggle through not having enough money, having to lean on others for help, fight to maintain identity and some semblance of self worth, saying good bye to good friends, and about a month ago, I broke down completely. I couldn't do it anymore. I had no strength left of my own, but I had to keep on going.

So while driving around Horsetooth, sobbing and crying out to God, he spoke a simple truth to me: I should be the source of your strength, your hope, your courage and your joy. You have failed because you wanted to find worth in prestigious work, the beautiful girl and the ability to help anyone with any problem at any time. You wanted to find worth in people pursuing you for fun times as well as for deep conversation and council. You wanted to find worth in the creation and not in me. That's why you're on empty. That's why you have no where to go now, but to me. Find these things in me, put yourself aside and I will provide them for you.

Today is Good Friday, the celebration of the Death of Jesus Christ. He lived a perfectly sinless life, in total communion with his Father, God. He is our example in this life of obedience and service. However, today is the celebration of his death, and just as Christ died to self and went on to be sacrificed for our sins, we ought to die to ourselves for the sake of Christ. This is impossible to do, however, unless we are connected to the source of our hope and joy, that is Christ. In two days, we celebrate Easter Sunday, the celebration of his ressurection, and just as Christ was raised from the dead, so we are raised to new life in him, for him and through him.