thoughts from Faithwalkers...

For those who do not know, Faithwalkers is the annual conference put on by our movement of churches that requires all main session speakers to have been active in ministry for a minimum of 25 years. The amount of wisdom that comes from the stage during these three days is astounding.

Last year, God told me to plant my flag and commit 100% to this movement, not in a cultist sense, but in a sense that this is my family, my army, my unit and I cannot change that unless God is the one who does the changing. The results of that decision were immense growth, deeper faith and a magnified view of God.

Since I got hit by a lightning bolt last year, I expected the same thing this year. I went in with several life questions expecting big, profound answers and the answers I got were not the ones I wanted. I was so unenthusiastic about these answers that I found myself looking for different ones and when I didn't find any, I started to get really confused. After dinner, I wound up getting lost in downtown Omaha for an hour and a half and walked around in sub-freezing temps and when I got back to the conference center, I felt so sick, coughing crap up, woozy, just... sick. I sat in the middle of the row and with people pressing on all sides of me, confused, sick and whatever else, I had a panic attack which I never really got over the entire night.
That evening, we had a tie down session in our hotel room, and I just broke everything down and started to see how much I let fears drive me still. But prayers were answered, at least in plans that were laid. Plans to meet with other strong men. Plans to go deeper in my walk with Christ. Plans for accountability with my times with God. Plans that I am excited to implement now that I'm back and have already started. I prayed that night that God wouldn't heal me by the next morning, but rather that I would wake up feeling crappy and that I would slowly get better so that I was 100% by the beginning of the first session. We start worship and my chest had stopped hurting and my coughing was almost entirely voluntary. The first speaker starts and I was totally fine! All day I was fine until we got to the hotel that night and I got everything back by the time I walked in the door. I was happy, though, that the last day of the conference was not a waste.
So, what were the action steps I got out of the conference?

1. Stop "shopping". Bill Young used the illustration of the trampling death at Walmart last christmas where people were begged to please leave so that the emergency workers could get to the dying man but the shoppers responded with "We've been here for six hours already! NO!" I want to stop shopping and help the victims up. Andy Grey talked about a man who was photographing a woman during a storm, the shore gave out under her and he was about ready to go after her when he saw two men run over. Just before they got to her, though, a 20 foot tall swell came in and swept her out to sea. His one regret was that he kept taking the photos instead of putting down the camera to help her. I do not want to be that man. I was to dive into the wave of chaos in people's lives and help rescue them.

2. I need to just let God be my supply of joy, peace and strength. I feel like God really hit me pretty hard with some things to do just that.
a. how do I pray? I saw the importance of praise as far greater than previously.
b. be patient and praise while I wait.

3. I will be involved in singles ministry for a while longer. How long, I do not know, but knowing that makes it much easier to be content and not constantly look for the things that I desire. I can put my desires out of the way and focus on what God has me doing for the time being. I love the men that are on my team, and I will die for them if it means the glorification of God in their lives.

So I guess those are the main points. Now, I sit at home, hacking my lungs out, still contemplating my week. Happy new year, y'all!

"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve."

- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto from the film "Tora, Tora, Tora".

I have been taking much stock of my life lately, and I've come to realize that in many ways, my soul has been lulled to sleep by the mediocrity and banality of the typical american life. That I, along with many around me, have given themselves over to the American dream, the persuit of riches, happiness and comfort, never really giving much consideration to the glories of God, and if they did give thought to it, it was in confusion on how to best bring those glories to light. My soul has been sleeping for some time now, hibernating if you will, and a restlessness has begun in my heart, a stirring to action.

Imagine if the American church suddenly woke up. Imagine if all of the pushing to be the nice, comfortable, politically correct church suddenly was replaced with a passion to see God glorified at all costs. Imagine if each individual in America dropped to their knees in repentance for their laziness, got up, took up their crosses and put down the remote? Imagine how this country would change and the gospel would go out. I, for one, am excited for this to begin in my own life.

Thankyou...

Today is thanksgiving day, and it seems only apt to make a list of things that I am thankful to God for, so here goes!

1. Thank you for the cross, that I am forgiven, made alive, new, clean and am adopted as your son.
2. Thank you, Jesus for the fact that you were fully human and that you know all of my struggles first hand and now sit at the right hand of the Father, interceding on my behalf.
3. Thank you for blessing me with my family and parents that are a huge part of who I am today.
4. Thank you for blessing me with an amazing church that never really leaves anything for a dull moment.
5. Thank you for my friends who I get to adventure with.
6. Thank you for my job, which I absolutely LOVE!
7. Thank you for awesome co-workers who I actually enjoy spending a majority of my time with each week.
8. Thank you for never leaving me nor forsaking me.
9. Thank you for the fact that I have always had a roof over my head, never gone hungry and that you continually provide for me, even when I'm stupid.
10. Thank you for accepting me as I am, warts and all.
11. Thank you for thing like music, art, writing, and the many creative things that I love, and choose to express myself with.
12. Thank you the use of my legs and that I can run, jump and still play ultimate.
13. Thank you that I have the privilage of living in the most beautiful state in the country. I love my mountains and wake up every morning with the best view of them.
14. Thank you for using me in people's lives.
15. Thank you for the manliness and tastiness of steak.
16. Thank you that I am not alone.
17. Thank you for your word, which guides me, gives me joy and refreshes my mind.
18. Thank you for awesome roommates.
19. Thank you for FAITHWALKERS!! (can't wait!)
20. Thank you for the trials that I've gone through that have taught me incredible reliance on God, something that he has to remind me of daily, but still he is faithful to remind me.

Philippians 4:6 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Psalm 95:2 - Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

praise

I am becoming increasingly convinced that it is impossible to love God with all of your heart, mind soul and strength without spending a significantly greater amount of time in praise than in asking requests of him. If we focus on the character, the majesty, the might, power and infinance of God, how can any trial stand up to him? Perhaps this is where we are to be joyful when we experience trials. How else could we?

My life has been a spiritual and emotional roller-coaster for the last few weeks. I have had incredible answers to prayers as well as rather deep disappointments. But yesterday, I chose to praise God despite those disappointments. Not to focus on his blessing, but to focus on him, to thank him for his great enduring love and mercy. Tonight, through tears, I praised him for giving me so much more than I deserve.

I do not deserve my relationship with him, my roommates, my church, my job, my friends or family. I do not deserve love or appreciation, grace or mercy. Fortunately, grace, being unmerited favor, is by definition not what I deserve, yet according to Ephesians 1, he lavishes it on us. I thanked him for these things and then went on to thank him for the lessons that he has taught me through trial. I thanked him for those disappointments and then went on to ask him to make me content in whatever circumstances I am in, just please give me more of himself.

Everyone loves Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Perhaps they love this verse because it is true. I always had a problem claiming this verse because it was written to the entire nation of Israel, but seeing as how I'm grafted into that tree, I think it's still applicable. God, plant me where you want me, use me as you see fit. Make me a man who is after your heart and not my own. You've broken me, shattered me, and destroyed me. I leave it to you to choose how to put my pieces back together, as you are the only one who should. Make me the man you want to carry out your will and make your will the core of my desires.

Caution: I am weird

I fast because I'm hungry I run because I am thirsty I die every day because I want to live I lead because I follow I give everything away to become rich I am weak and broken so that I will be strong I see more when my eyes are closed I'm in love with someone I haven't seen I love the unlovely I am honored when people mock me I embrace these foolish things to become wise I will walk whole heartedly out on any limb He requires, because even if He lets it break, He can teach me to fly.
-Lygon Stevens

Recently, I was introduced to the journals of a young woman named Lygon Stevens. She was a daughter of God, madly in love with Christ. She died in an avalanche in January of 2008 and her opened journals revealed a woman who loved God deeper than anything else, and whose words challenge me now in how I choose to live.

It is so easy to go with the flow of this world. It is so easy to choose to be comfortable, to try to be accepted, to try to not be weird. Yet that is not what we are called to. We are called to a life that is different, that stands out and that is spent in utter denial of self for the sake of honoring Christ. As Paul says in Philippians 3:8, "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

Do I let myself be weird in the eyes of the world? Do I let myself be so madly in love with Christ that I would obey him in a heart beat? Do I let my life speak dramatically of his goodness? I think it's time to step up my game here. Much of the time I'm focused on what I don't have, the sacrifices that I must make or I try to find life in the desires of my heart rather than the love of Christ. I want to be so madly in love with God that I honestly would consider all things rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ.

Recently, God has been revealing the extent of my sin and it is very ugly. It is selfishness and hypocrisy at its worst. I am tired of being a hypocrite, saying I love Christ and then turning to the world for hope. I am done with it. I am reminded of the lyrics of one of my favorite worship songs:

Lord you have my heart
And I will search for yours
Jesus take my life and lead me on.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5,6

A friend recently shared this verse with me on a previous post (via facebook, not actually on this blog). I have been thinking on this verse for a few days now, and I've come to the conclusion that I constantly make decisions based on my own understanding of the universe, yet I am to obey one who created it. I get stressed out and try to do things based solely on my own perspective, yet I have a book full of letters from him who is in control of the whole thing.

Lord give me the proper perspective on reality.

The subtle tactics of our enemy, or a prayer request...

Yesterday, in conversation with one of my co-workers who was a direct hire into the position I would like to be hired on as (I'm currently a temp), I came to find out how much take home pay he gets each check. It's something like $1000 more a month than I make now. Wow. One of my goals in this job is to be hired full time as a process operator (the position I mentioned above), and should that happen, and that really is the starting pay, I could get completely out of debt in 20 months and be able to support a family.

Tonight, at Ignite, I couldn't get this idea out of my head, and it was distracting me from worshiping the Lord. I found my self singing one thing with my brain actively saying "I hope I get that position. I hope in this. Hope hope hope." Note the train of thought here is focused on hoping in getting a job, not in Christ. My active hope in that moment was in making money and having a good position.

Yet the Bible tells us not to hope in money. In fact, if identifies doing so as idolatry. No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. - Luke 16:13. So as my good friend Bryan Morton put it tonight, "We have this enemy, and he's going to try to pull us away from God, and to do that, he's going to bait the line with good things. Getting out of debt, that's a good thing, but our hope is only in that, then it's bad."

So my prayer is this: God, don't let me hope in a good job, good paycheck and a good future. Let me trust you in your infinate goodness, holiness and wisdom, that your plan is perfect. You alone are worthy of my trust.

my awesome day of answered prayer...

So this morning I was running late. One of those days where I kept forgetting everything upstairs. I almost made it all the way to my car before realizing that I didn't have my keys on me. That sort of morning. So as I drove to work, almost ten minutes later than I usually leave, I started praying. I prayed that God would get me to work on time, even though I had left late. I prayed that I would be awake and alert all day. I prayed that I would have fruitful conversation and would be a good representative of Christ.

I called my boss and told him that I would be arriving just as he was finishing the morning meeting. Somehow, I managed to get to work before he had even started. Then, I was put on a process that I really enjoyed, working with a guy that I hadn't gotten to work with in over a month, and the conversation just led into the gospel!

So in answer to my prayer, 1) I was right on time to work. 2) I was put on a job that kept me awake, alert and made my day fly by, and 3) I got to share the gospel.

God rocks!

Some verses I read today...

I was reading in Lamentations today, when I stumbled accross these verses:

Lamentations 3:25-27 - The Lord is good to those who wait for him to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Yesterday, as I was driving and Conlan was snoozing, I was praying. I was praying about a situation in my life that needed some guidance, and I asked God to please give me a verse the next time I opened my Bible concerning whether I should take action now or wait and see what happens. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Sweet.

Then, I read on and got these verses which are a strong comfort to me in many situations:
Lamentations 3:31-33 - For the Lord does not cast off forever, but though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love. For he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

No good parent wants to hurt his children, but there is a difference between discipline and affliction. God does not afflict his children, though he disciplines us as any good parent does. So when God asks me to sacrifice, it is not to push me down, but it is to his glory for my best.

Praise up!

reflecting...

The last three months have been a time of trial for me. On Feb 2nd, I was laid off from my job. In that time, I've sent in about 40-50 applications and got a total of three interviews, one of which I got the time wrong and missed it completely. However, God is a faithful provider and he gave me a job that I start monday.

But in the last three months, I've had to struggle through not having enough money, having to lean on others for help, fight to maintain identity and some semblance of self worth, saying good bye to good friends, and about a month ago, I broke down completely. I couldn't do it anymore. I had no strength left of my own, but I had to keep on going.

So while driving around Horsetooth, sobbing and crying out to God, he spoke a simple truth to me: I should be the source of your strength, your hope, your courage and your joy. You have failed because you wanted to find worth in prestigious work, the beautiful girl and the ability to help anyone with any problem at any time. You wanted to find worth in people pursuing you for fun times as well as for deep conversation and council. You wanted to find worth in the creation and not in me. That's why you're on empty. That's why you have no where to go now, but to me. Find these things in me, put yourself aside and I will provide them for you.

Today is Good Friday, the celebration of the Death of Jesus Christ. He lived a perfectly sinless life, in total communion with his Father, God. He is our example in this life of obedience and service. However, today is the celebration of his death, and just as Christ died to self and went on to be sacrificed for our sins, we ought to die to ourselves for the sake of Christ. This is impossible to do, however, unless we are connected to the source of our hope and joy, that is Christ. In two days, we celebrate Easter Sunday, the celebration of his ressurection, and just as Christ was raised from the dead, so we are raised to new life in him, for him and through him.

some comforting verses...

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:5 - No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Matthew 28:20b - And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

John 10:27-30 - My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one.

Luke 12:7 - Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Psalm 139:1-10 - O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

You are my King, O God;
ordain salvation for Jacob!
Through you we push down our foes;
through your name we tread down those who rise up against us.
For not in my bow do I trust,
nor can my sword save me.
But you have saved us from our foes
and have put to shame those who hate us.
In God we have boasted continually,
and we will give thanks to your name forever.
-Psalm 44: 6-8

I was once given an audio book by my good friend Mike entitled "I am not, but I know I AM". The entire focus of the book is that I am infinitely small, but God is infinitely large, powerful, in control, and the purpose of the entire universe's existence centers on him. How often do I need to be reminded of the fact that my life, being a part of that universe that he created, centers on him as well, and that the universe does not center on me.

More than that, how much does God want us to rely on him for victory so that we can boast in him, and not in ourselves. This is the very foundation of our faith, that it is God who chose us and saved us, and it is by faith that we are saved, not by our actions, so that it is God who is glorified, not us. I can say nothing of my own salvation except to point to God and say, "he did it all, not me."

Ephesians 1... I love it!

Tonight, I was reading Ephesians 1:3-14, and decided to break it down into a list. I do this sometimes, but I wanted to cut through the beautiful language and get to the meat of the passage. It says so much about who God is towards us, but always keeps one thing running through the entire section: The praise of God's glorious grace. Everything he does is to the praise of his glory, which is central to our identity as believers of Jesus Christ. Our very being is to the praise of God, not ourselves, therefore our entire existence should reflect his glory. So, here's what the passage says:

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, ⁴ even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. ⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, ⁸which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight ⁹ making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ ¹⁰as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

¹¹In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, ¹²so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. ¹³In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

What does this passage say about us as believers?

1. He blessed us (v. 3)
2. He chose us before the creation of the world (v. 4)
2a. Which means that he planned for us.
3. He made us holy and blameless before him. (v. 4)
4. He loves us (v. 4)
5. He predestined (or planned. see no. 2) our adoption (v. 5)
6. He adopted us as his sons (v. 5)
7. He did this according to his will, so he wanted us (v. 5)
8. He blessed us with his grace in Christ. (v. 6)
9. He has redeemed us (v. 7)
10. He has forgiven us (v. 7)
11. He has lavished his grace on us (v. 8)
12. He has made his will known to us (v. 8)
13. He unites all things in him, including us (v. 9)
14. He has given us an inheritance. (v. 11)
15. We are to his praise of his glory (v. 12)
16. We are sealed with the Holy Spirit (v. 13)
17. We are guaranteed our inheritance - the Holy Spirit (v. 14)

What does this passage say about God?

1. Take the list about us, and switch the wording around. He does all of these things.
2. He plans, and is in complete control of creation. (vs. 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11)
3. He is to be praised (vs. 3, 6, 7, 12)
4. His is merciful (forgiving sins and giving grace). (vs. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

All in all, we can look at this passage in one of three ways: We can see how much we are blessed, we can see how amazing God is, or we can see both. If we look at this from only the first perspective, it puts the focus on us, and we can easily distort this to say that we are the center of God's attention. If we focus on only the second, then we miss out on the amazing blessings that come from a life given to God. But if we focus on the third, then we see that God blesses us for the purpose of bringing himself glory. God's main concern is with his own glory, but that is the best thing for us as humans. Even in blessing us, God is still the center of the story, not us. I love this passage because it shows me that, even in my blessing, I am not the center of the universe, God is in complete control, and I can live in complete abandonment to him.

Praise up!

on blacking out in the bathroom...

In my twenty nine years of living on this planet, I have never once blacked out for reasons not pertaining to head trauma. I've been knocked out once, for about 10 seconds or so after doing a nice backwards head-plant on a ski slope, but that's the only time that I know of that I've ever lost consciousness other than falling asleep.

That all changed this morning when I blacked out in the bathroom, and woke up on the floor in a panic, not having any idea where I was or what was happening. All I knew was that I was on the floor and that I couldn't control my arms. It was, without a doubt, one of the scariest feelings I've ever had. It was interesting. I woke up this morning and was thirsty, so I got a glass of water in my bathroom and proceeded to take a drink. The gulp of water didn't want to go down, so I took another to force the first one down. You all know what this feels like. However, the second one wouldn't go either, and the resulting pain was so great that my entire body tensed up and I began to hear this rushing sound, similar to static that just grew and grew and eventually overwhelmed me. I woke up on the floor in a puddle of water from the cup that was in my hand, in a state of total confusion and panic.

I've never had an experience like this before, and frankly, I don't want to have it again. It made me realize something, though. I'm not invincible. I treat my body pretty poorly, as most people can attest. I have high blood pressure that I usually ignore, type II diabetes that I usually ignore as well, I'm out of shape and I my diet is less than healthy to say the least. Despite these problems, I've always just dealt with it, never really having a situation where things were beyond my control. Today, was it. It was the first time that something happened that I couldn't just ignore. It was out of my grasp.

So... why am I blogging this? I don't know. I guess it seemed rather significant.

Recipe for unity: 1 batch of green chile enchiladas, stretched to make 3 pans instead of 2, 1 pot of refried beans, 1 pitcher Louisiana style sweet tea and 17 people who love each other very much.

I was so encouraged by our dinner last night. 12 girls showed up compared to our 5 guys, which means that we need to start praying for more men. But the thing that encouraged me more than anything was this feeling of family. I believe that God blessed last night and that our team really coalesced into something more than a random conglomeration of individuals. It was exciting!

We made 1 batch of Russ's mom's enciladas, which should have made 2 pans, but we had enough stuff left over to make a third. I had to be conservative on the sauce, and use about half as much on it, but it still tasted just like the other two. I think God may have done a "5 loaves and 2 fish" type thing with dinner, if you catch my meaning, since more and more people kept walking through the door. We were expecting around 10 to be optomistic, but we wound up with 17! Praise up for both food and people!

I am excited to see people that I haven't seen around for a while. I'm excited to see hearts for God grow, as well as hearts for fellowship and for unity. I am excited that last night felt like the kick off that we really needed and that we really lived out the title of "team fun"!

I am encouraged.

Why am I encouraged?

Because I have Jesus, and everything I need in relationship is found in him. People will let me down, relationships fade, plans fail, but Jesus will never leave me. He's experienced worse pain than I can imagine, been rejected, tempted and hungry, but he always found everything that he needed in the father. I find everything I need in him.

I'm excited to finally get this through my thick skull.

a ramble for the sake of rambling.

For those who do not know, my hard drive crashed two weeks ago, taking with it the portfolio that I was building up. Lately, however, I've been able to take quite a few photos that are much more along the lines of what I wanted to do before. I still enjoy nature photography the best, as the subjects actually stand still half the time, but I'm starting to figure out portraiture, and that makes me very happy.

My hope is to have a body of work ready to display in a few months, and to get on a gallery waiting list sometime before the end of the year. I'm excited to show my stuff, and I think it can actually be pretty good. Now if only I had a working laptop and photoshop CS4. *hint hint* *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

I just felt like posting something today, even if it wasn't massively spiritually profound or whatever.

New Year's Revolutions

We all know the idea of the New Year's Resolution. Well, I'm going to do something similar: New Year's Revolutions. What's the difference? Well, a resolution is something that you try to do to improve your life. The revolution is something that you do to radically change your life. This year, I have three:

1. Lose weight. My goal is to lose 60 lbs by September. I am a member of a gym, so I'm going to go in and do a bunch of cardio three times a week. I have a running plan that I'm going to do, and once my shoulder is healed, I'll add in some weight training. For now, though, straight cardio. Lose weight, get in shape, drop my blood pressure and turn my belly from flab to fit.

2. Get my art/photos up in a gallery/coffee shop/public place. I'm going to get my self out into the community with my talents. Look out Fort Collins, here comes Lee. This is a radical turn from what I've done before, which was... well, nothing. I've never displayed any of my stuff before, but I think this will change my sitting-on-butt ways and get me using my talents to the glory of God.

3. Learn to play guitar. I'm determined. I'm going to learn this thing if it kills me, and since I have a ton of time in the afternoon, I'm going to make it happen. Either that, or I'll learn to dance. Yes, I said dance. Lee will dance some day, people. Just, don't expect any miracles right away. These things take time, you know.

So, there you have it. 3, maybe 3.5 revolutions if you include the dancing thing. I intend to carry these out this year, and am looking for accountability/partners if anyone is interested.

on thoughts, emotions, and the pressence of Chirst...

I've heard it said that the Bible makes the assumption that we can control our emotions and thoughts. We are not simply set adrift in a sea of feelings that we can't control. Rather, what the Bible actually says is that we are to align our thoughts and feelings with Christ:

2Cor 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

1 Thes 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I'm thinking about all of this today because of the amount of struggle that I've been having trying to reconcile how I feel with what I learned in the last week. I've described it before as though I have this army of pawns that are trying to stand up to God and his is flicking them off the chess board one by one, so my resistance to him is rapidly depleating. However after this weekend, its as though the pawns brought in some reinforcements.

But the more I think about that analogy, the more it should fail. It should fail because it makes the assumption that I am not doing anything about this fight. It makes the assumption that I have been taken hostige by my emotions and am doing nothing. It makes the assumption that I am a victim and helpless to avail any change. In reality, I have not been taken hostige but have surrendered myself to them as opposed to the living God who is in control of all things. Rather than wait for him to change my heart, I should be actively taking control of my thoughts and feelings and making them obedient to Christ.

It is a difficult thing to look at your phobias and point them to Christ. I am terrified of being alone, yet I have no reason to be. I have a relationship with the creator of the universe and am surrounded by amazing people who love selflessly as I ought. Yet I am afraid of waking up one day when I'm fourty and realizing that I am utterly alone. Is this a valid fear? Some might say yes, but looking at my life, it is not. More than that, looking at God, it disintigrates entirely. One of my favorite old testiment passages is in the beginning of Joshua as God encourages him:

Joshua 1:6-9 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

I wonder sometimes if Joshua struggled with discouragement before taking leadership of the people. The Israelites saw many amazing miracles, were fed mana from heaven, led by a pillar of fire by night and smoke by day, walked through the sea on dry land while walls of water stood on either side of them and stood as smoke enveloped the mountain of God in his glory, yet they still constantly turned away. Was Joshua discouraged in the midst of all of these miracles? Even after seeing amazing miracle after miracle, God still had to encourage him, and command him to be strong and courageous three times in this passage. And why should he not be terrified or discouraged? Because the LORD his God would be with him wherever he went.

Jesus said in Matthew 28:20, "...and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." I hold the same promise in Jesus that God gave Joshua some four thousand years ago! So for me to live a life committed to honoring Christ by reaching the lost and being devoted to his people in love, I never have to worry about being alone. He himself is there, even when his people aren't.

So I am able to rejoice always. I am able to be excited and passionate when I feel crushed. Why? Because I control how I feel, and my eyes are on Christ, and just like they do in the movies, I'm going to wipe all of the pieces off of the chess board in one fell swoop.

Take that, you little pawns.

"You are the beautiful one, who is worthy of it all,
You are the beautiful one, how could I be?
You are the beautiful one, at your feet I fall,
You are the beautiful one, who loves me."
-Beautiful One by Steele Crosswhite

December 27th through 30th marked my fourth Faithwalkers Conference, and my sixth national level conference with the Great Commission movement of churches. These conferences are usually a little difficult for me, and this one was no different, though for a different reason.

God has been working in a few key areas in my life, and I have known exactly what they were for the last two years, but haven't been able to get over them for whatever reason. The biggest one, and I believe, the clencher for all three areas, has been my commitment to my church. I've always held this view that I would be committed to my church as long as I stayed in Fort Collins. I would be in as long as I was there, but as far as going anywhere else, I always felt that I should be able to leave for whatever selfish reason I wanted, and as a result, I never really let myself fully commit my heart to serve my brothers and sisters.

I didn't want to go this year because I knew that Rick Whitney would be speaking. I knew that Rick Whitney really only ever talks about one thing: Commitment to the local church. The view that he takes is that if God has planted you in a church family, that's it. You're there and you're all in. Why? Because in this corrupt, sinful, liberal world, commitment is something that is detested and looked down upon, and you cannot love without commitment. If we are to truely love each other, then we need to be devoted to one another, not above God's leading, but in the idea that we shouldn't be afraid to cut out other options. I'm here, I'm in, this is my family. In the same way that I won't abandon my biological family, I won't abandon my church family.

I've never let myself be commited to this church because I have had a fear, a phobia if you will, of losing out on adventure, excitement and growth, all of which are shot down simply by looking at the lives of those who have dedicated themselves to this movement. Their lives are defined by such a strong faith and devotion that God takes them everywhere, brings them through powerful opposition and battle and provides them with fellowship beyond compare. I believe that God honors their devotion to their brothers by giving them an extrordinary life, where as me, who is three quarters in, lives a mediocre life.

But is this my motivation for deciding to be devoted to my church beyond my desires and dreams? NO. My motivation is a desire to honor God and learn more about him, and I believe that I can't do that as long as I keep surfacy relationships and cling on to my dreams. In the same way that Abraham put Isaac on the alter and was ready to sacrifice him, I am putting my dreams on the alter and let God either stay his hand or take the knife to them. They are his, and if he wants me to have excitement, adventure and unbelieveable fellowship, then great, and if not, I will not be dissapointed. I am his, he has placed my ear against the door jam and pierced it with his awl. I am his slave, his son, his friend and lover. I am his. I am all in and not looking back.

So what does this mean for my life? It means no more talk of going anywhere else. It means I have planted my flag and will put down roots. It means that I am not willing to entertain the idea of greener grass on the other side of the fence.

In WWII, wounded soldiers would go AWOL from the hospital to return to their company, as the army would reassign recovered soldiers to wherever the ranks were depleated. They were unwilling to serve with anyone else as their original company were their band of brothers. This church is my band of brothers, my company, my people, my family and my friends. I will fight with them, and I will not leave.