Faithwalkers and my response...

This year, Faithwalkers wasn't anything earth shattering or hugely life changing for me. But, though it seemed that way in years past, it really wasn't then either. However, though not utterly mind-blowing for me, it was still absolutely amazing!

I feel that I've come to understand the way that these big conferences work. In the past, I went in with an agenda on what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be told certain things about my life and especially to hear God's leading for my life, to receive some sort of call and be ready to go with that. However, the special call never came and the things I wanted to hear were often times dashed to pieces by what I did receive, resulting in a very difficult, often discouraging time until I can get everything processed and then proceed to do nothing about it.

This year, I went in with a different attitude. I went in with no agenda. I simply wanted to hear God speak. And speak he did. I went in with only 2 questions: 1. How can I love God more? and 2. What does God want me to hear? He answered both of those questions and here's how:

1. How can I love God more? There are aspects to the answer to this question, so I'll break it down.

• Understand God's love for me. I didn't choose God, he chose me. He tells me this constantly in different ways and I want to start keeping a written record of how God communicates his love for me (a la Josh Whitney).
• Tithe. I can really struggle with finances and my tithing tends to be hit or miss. Time to suck it up and eat ramen if necessary so that money can go to my tithe, but I want to be motivated by love and not duty.
• Obey. I have this tendency to think things are a great idea and I SHOULD implement them into my life, but I don't ever actually do them. Well, I'm tired of coasting. It's time to step up and take action. Time to actually do what the bible says and care for the poor, serve the lost and speak the gospel when opportunities arise.

2. What does God want me to hear? He showed me a couple of things:

• I'm selfish with my love for people. I'll give of my time and money and energy, but I don't open my heart up to people except in very specific circumstances. In fact, if we look at love languages, I do not feel loved by gifts, words of encouragement, touch or acts of service UNLESS they are accompanied by quality time, and specifically someone pursuing me out for my benefit, truly being a mutually encouraging relationship. Then, and only then do my walls come down and then I feel loved by everyone, otherwise I feel loved by no one. God showed me a few weeks ago how much I can turn to him to experience love, but at FW, he showed me that I need to expand how I experience love and allow others to love me where they are at.
• He showed me that the best way to have compassion on someone is to hear their story, ask questions and then respond accordingly. I made an assumption about some people and then didn't take action, but never confirmed my assumption with them personally by talking with them. Instead, I walked by and over heard a conversation and made a decision based on that. How stupidly hypocritical of me! Whether I did something or not, I could have at least talked with them, right? This makes me want to do the hand warmers that much more now, not to try to seek some sort of salvation from my hypocrisy, but because seeing my sin has created a greater resolve to aide those who really need it.

So what are my practicals? Well, let's list them as resolutions, huh?

1. Keep a written record of how God communicates his love for me throughout the year.
2. Obey what I read and when I am prompted.
3. Be a good witness for the Gospel.
4. Tithe every pay check.
5. Be more generous.
6. Allow people greater access to my heart and stop waiting for the specific situation to feel loved (this one will probably take a LOT more work than I'm really ready for, but oh well, it must be done.)
7. Read my bible and pray daily.
*NON FAITHWALKERS RELATED*
8. Gym three times a week at least and control diet. I want to be off my diabetes and BP meds by December 31.
9. Keep my room and kitchen clean.
10. Be more controlled with my entertainment. I'm so distracted by things like Facebook and netflix, it's rediculous.

So there we have it. I walked away from FW this year very encouraged and built up, and honestly, I have a greater vision for my life than before. I can honestly see myself going over seas for the sake of the kingdom, but at the same time, I'm totally content in whatever God calls me to.