Observational mishaps

"You are the beautiful one, who is worthy of it all,
You are the beautiful one, how could I be?
You are the beautiful one, at your feet I fall,
You are the beautiful one, who loves me."
-Beautiful One by Steele Crosswhite

December 27th through 30th marked my fourth Faithwalkers Conference, and my sixth national level conference with the Great Commission movement of churches. These conferences are usually a little difficult for me, and this one was no different, though for a different reason.

God has been working in a few key areas in my life, and I have known exactly what they were for the last two years, but haven't been able to get over them for whatever reason. The biggest one, and I believe, the clencher for all three areas, has been my commitment to my church. I've always held this view that I would be committed to my church as long as I stayed in Fort Collins. I would be in as long as I was there, but as far as going anywhere else, I always felt that I should be able to leave for whatever selfish reason I wanted, and as a result, I never really let myself fully commit my heart to serve my brothers and sisters.

I didn't want to go this year because I knew that Rick Whitney would be speaking. I knew that Rick Whitney really only ever talks about one thing: Commitment to the local church. The view that he takes is that if God has planted you in a church family, that's it. You're there and you're all in. Why? Because in this corrupt, sinful, liberal world, commitment is something that is detested and looked down upon, and you cannot love without commitment. If we are to truely love each other, then we need to be devoted to one another, not above God's leading, but in the idea that we shouldn't be afraid to cut out other options. I'm here, I'm in, this is my family. In the same way that I won't abandon my biological family, I won't abandon my church family.

I've never let myself be commited to this church because I have had a fear, a phobia if you will, of losing out on adventure, excitement and growth, all of which are shot down simply by looking at the lives of those who have dedicated themselves to this movement. Their lives are defined by such a strong faith and devotion that God takes them everywhere, brings them through powerful opposition and battle and provides them with fellowship beyond compare. I believe that God honors their devotion to their brothers by giving them an extrordinary life, where as me, who is three quarters in, lives a mediocre life.

But is this my motivation for deciding to be devoted to my church beyond my desires and dreams? NO. My motivation is a desire to honor God and learn more about him, and I believe that I can't do that as long as I keep surfacy relationships and cling on to my dreams. In the same way that Abraham put Isaac on the alter and was ready to sacrifice him, I am putting my dreams on the alter and let God either stay his hand or take the knife to them. They are his, and if he wants me to have excitement, adventure and unbelieveable fellowship, then great, and if not, I will not be dissapointed. I am his, he has placed my ear against the door jam and pierced it with his awl. I am his slave, his son, his friend and lover. I am his. I am all in and not looking back.

So what does this mean for my life? It means no more talk of going anywhere else. It means I have planted my flag and will put down roots. It means that I am not willing to entertain the idea of greener grass on the other side of the fence.

In WWII, wounded soldiers would go AWOL from the hospital to return to their company, as the army would reassign recovered soldiers to wherever the ranks were depleated. They were unwilling to serve with anyone else as their original company were their band of brothers. This church is my band of brothers, my company, my people, my family and my friends. I will fight with them, and I will not leave.