Recipe for unity: 1 batch of green chile enchiladas, stretched to make 3 pans instead of 2, 1 pot of refried beans, 1 pitcher Louisiana style sweet tea and 17 people who love each other very much.

I was so encouraged by our dinner last night. 12 girls showed up compared to our 5 guys, which means that we need to start praying for more men. But the thing that encouraged me more than anything was this feeling of family. I believe that God blessed last night and that our team really coalesced into something more than a random conglomeration of individuals. It was exciting!

We made 1 batch of Russ's mom's enciladas, which should have made 2 pans, but we had enough stuff left over to make a third. I had to be conservative on the sauce, and use about half as much on it, but it still tasted just like the other two. I think God may have done a "5 loaves and 2 fish" type thing with dinner, if you catch my meaning, since more and more people kept walking through the door. We were expecting around 10 to be optomistic, but we wound up with 17! Praise up for both food and people!

I am excited to see people that I haven't seen around for a while. I'm excited to see hearts for God grow, as well as hearts for fellowship and for unity. I am excited that last night felt like the kick off that we really needed and that we really lived out the title of "team fun"!

I am encouraged.

Why am I encouraged?

Because I have Jesus, and everything I need in relationship is found in him. People will let me down, relationships fade, plans fail, but Jesus will never leave me. He's experienced worse pain than I can imagine, been rejected, tempted and hungry, but he always found everything that he needed in the father. I find everything I need in him.

I'm excited to finally get this through my thick skull.

a ramble for the sake of rambling.

For those who do not know, my hard drive crashed two weeks ago, taking with it the portfolio that I was building up. Lately, however, I've been able to take quite a few photos that are much more along the lines of what I wanted to do before. I still enjoy nature photography the best, as the subjects actually stand still half the time, but I'm starting to figure out portraiture, and that makes me very happy.

My hope is to have a body of work ready to display in a few months, and to get on a gallery waiting list sometime before the end of the year. I'm excited to show my stuff, and I think it can actually be pretty good. Now if only I had a working laptop and photoshop CS4. *hint hint* *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

I just felt like posting something today, even if it wasn't massively spiritually profound or whatever.

New Year's Revolutions

We all know the idea of the New Year's Resolution. Well, I'm going to do something similar: New Year's Revolutions. What's the difference? Well, a resolution is something that you try to do to improve your life. The revolution is something that you do to radically change your life. This year, I have three:

1. Lose weight. My goal is to lose 60 lbs by September. I am a member of a gym, so I'm going to go in and do a bunch of cardio three times a week. I have a running plan that I'm going to do, and once my shoulder is healed, I'll add in some weight training. For now, though, straight cardio. Lose weight, get in shape, drop my blood pressure and turn my belly from flab to fit.

2. Get my art/photos up in a gallery/coffee shop/public place. I'm going to get my self out into the community with my talents. Look out Fort Collins, here comes Lee. This is a radical turn from what I've done before, which was... well, nothing. I've never displayed any of my stuff before, but I think this will change my sitting-on-butt ways and get me using my talents to the glory of God.

3. Learn to play guitar. I'm determined. I'm going to learn this thing if it kills me, and since I have a ton of time in the afternoon, I'm going to make it happen. Either that, or I'll learn to dance. Yes, I said dance. Lee will dance some day, people. Just, don't expect any miracles right away. These things take time, you know.

So, there you have it. 3, maybe 3.5 revolutions if you include the dancing thing. I intend to carry these out this year, and am looking for accountability/partners if anyone is interested.

on thoughts, emotions, and the pressence of Chirst...

I've heard it said that the Bible makes the assumption that we can control our emotions and thoughts. We are not simply set adrift in a sea of feelings that we can't control. Rather, what the Bible actually says is that we are to align our thoughts and feelings with Christ:

2Cor 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

1 Thes 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I'm thinking about all of this today because of the amount of struggle that I've been having trying to reconcile how I feel with what I learned in the last week. I've described it before as though I have this army of pawns that are trying to stand up to God and his is flicking them off the chess board one by one, so my resistance to him is rapidly depleating. However after this weekend, its as though the pawns brought in some reinforcements.

But the more I think about that analogy, the more it should fail. It should fail because it makes the assumption that I am not doing anything about this fight. It makes the assumption that I have been taken hostige by my emotions and am doing nothing. It makes the assumption that I am a victim and helpless to avail any change. In reality, I have not been taken hostige but have surrendered myself to them as opposed to the living God who is in control of all things. Rather than wait for him to change my heart, I should be actively taking control of my thoughts and feelings and making them obedient to Christ.

It is a difficult thing to look at your phobias and point them to Christ. I am terrified of being alone, yet I have no reason to be. I have a relationship with the creator of the universe and am surrounded by amazing people who love selflessly as I ought. Yet I am afraid of waking up one day when I'm fourty and realizing that I am utterly alone. Is this a valid fear? Some might say yes, but looking at my life, it is not. More than that, looking at God, it disintigrates entirely. One of my favorite old testiment passages is in the beginning of Joshua as God encourages him:

Joshua 1:6-9 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

I wonder sometimes if Joshua struggled with discouragement before taking leadership of the people. The Israelites saw many amazing miracles, were fed mana from heaven, led by a pillar of fire by night and smoke by day, walked through the sea on dry land while walls of water stood on either side of them and stood as smoke enveloped the mountain of God in his glory, yet they still constantly turned away. Was Joshua discouraged in the midst of all of these miracles? Even after seeing amazing miracle after miracle, God still had to encourage him, and command him to be strong and courageous three times in this passage. And why should he not be terrified or discouraged? Because the LORD his God would be with him wherever he went.

Jesus said in Matthew 28:20, "...and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." I hold the same promise in Jesus that God gave Joshua some four thousand years ago! So for me to live a life committed to honoring Christ by reaching the lost and being devoted to his people in love, I never have to worry about being alone. He himself is there, even when his people aren't.

So I am able to rejoice always. I am able to be excited and passionate when I feel crushed. Why? Because I control how I feel, and my eyes are on Christ, and just like they do in the movies, I'm going to wipe all of the pieces off of the chess board in one fell swoop.

Take that, you little pawns.

"You are the beautiful one, who is worthy of it all,
You are the beautiful one, how could I be?
You are the beautiful one, at your feet I fall,
You are the beautiful one, who loves me."
-Beautiful One by Steele Crosswhite

December 27th through 30th marked my fourth Faithwalkers Conference, and my sixth national level conference with the Great Commission movement of churches. These conferences are usually a little difficult for me, and this one was no different, though for a different reason.

God has been working in a few key areas in my life, and I have known exactly what they were for the last two years, but haven't been able to get over them for whatever reason. The biggest one, and I believe, the clencher for all three areas, has been my commitment to my church. I've always held this view that I would be committed to my church as long as I stayed in Fort Collins. I would be in as long as I was there, but as far as going anywhere else, I always felt that I should be able to leave for whatever selfish reason I wanted, and as a result, I never really let myself fully commit my heart to serve my brothers and sisters.

I didn't want to go this year because I knew that Rick Whitney would be speaking. I knew that Rick Whitney really only ever talks about one thing: Commitment to the local church. The view that he takes is that if God has planted you in a church family, that's it. You're there and you're all in. Why? Because in this corrupt, sinful, liberal world, commitment is something that is detested and looked down upon, and you cannot love without commitment. If we are to truely love each other, then we need to be devoted to one another, not above God's leading, but in the idea that we shouldn't be afraid to cut out other options. I'm here, I'm in, this is my family. In the same way that I won't abandon my biological family, I won't abandon my church family.

I've never let myself be commited to this church because I have had a fear, a phobia if you will, of losing out on adventure, excitement and growth, all of which are shot down simply by looking at the lives of those who have dedicated themselves to this movement. Their lives are defined by such a strong faith and devotion that God takes them everywhere, brings them through powerful opposition and battle and provides them with fellowship beyond compare. I believe that God honors their devotion to their brothers by giving them an extrordinary life, where as me, who is three quarters in, lives a mediocre life.

But is this my motivation for deciding to be devoted to my church beyond my desires and dreams? NO. My motivation is a desire to honor God and learn more about him, and I believe that I can't do that as long as I keep surfacy relationships and cling on to my dreams. In the same way that Abraham put Isaac on the alter and was ready to sacrifice him, I am putting my dreams on the alter and let God either stay his hand or take the knife to them. They are his, and if he wants me to have excitement, adventure and unbelieveable fellowship, then great, and if not, I will not be dissapointed. I am his, he has placed my ear against the door jam and pierced it with his awl. I am his slave, his son, his friend and lover. I am his. I am all in and not looking back.

So what does this mean for my life? It means no more talk of going anywhere else. It means I have planted my flag and will put down roots. It means that I am not willing to entertain the idea of greener grass on the other side of the fence.

In WWII, wounded soldiers would go AWOL from the hospital to return to their company, as the army would reassign recovered soldiers to wherever the ranks were depleated. They were unwilling to serve with anyone else as their original company were their band of brothers. This church is my band of brothers, my company, my people, my family and my friends. I will fight with them, and I will not leave.