Lies. We all have them. They creep in, as unwelcome as they are and become a part of our world view. They are pernicious, counter productive and ultimately destructive. So why do we cling on to them so strongly when the truth would be so much better?

I find that I cling to my lies because I can find so much "evidence" to support them. This evidence, though, is really just my own perception being seen through the lens of my emotion at the time, yet at the time, it seems so convincing. I find that when people actually present real evidence, I reject it because it doesn't feel as realistic as what I am currently perceiving. My greatest fear in letting go of the lie is that I will lack any evidence to support the alternative and I will have to blindly believe it, so there is a danger of being duped.

Yet isn't that exactly how our enemies work? They get a foothold into our lives and begin to speak ever so softly about something that is painful for us, just slightly off from the actual truth. It's so close, it sounds true, so we listen. The next thing we know, we're convinced of something false.

I've spoken much of my lie here. I feel as though every time I gain some ground in this area, it's not fully exposed, but a layer covering it has been removed. Yet if I really get down to the root of the matter and dig it out, I find that I really don't want to let go because I'm scared. I'm terrified of having to blindly believe things about myself. Yet I feel as thought the last 24 hours have not only exposed the lie's roots (I do pray that this is it), but they have also given me mounds upon mounds of evidence to support the alternative.

So to everyone who has taken the time to share truth with me, I appreciate it more than you can imagine. God has spoken much to me about identity and completely shifted how I even define my self worth. I will explain:

I have always taken a view of myself that I am worthless with out Jesus. Yet, this isn't true. John 3:16 says that God loves the entire world and would have that none perish. So God loves everyone, not just those that have received his grace. Ephesians 1 talks much about God chosing us before the creation of the world, and predestining us to stand blameless and receiving his grace. If God loves all, then he values all and he values all, then all have the same intrinsic worth, which he deemed worth sacrificing for. In order for God to love, he had to have seen value in loving us and seen us worth loving. Granted, this is all part of God's plan. He created us for us to know him and to be loved by him. He doesn't need us, but rather, he desires us, and THAT is what makes us worth something.

The fact that God chose me, loves me, gives me grace, died for me and will call me into eternal life with him isn't what gives me worth, rather it confirms that God values me. He always did, does now, and always will desire me. And why? As stated in Ephesians 1, it is according to the pleasure of his will. Pleasure. God finds pleasure in all of this. My worth is found in his pleasure and his desire for me.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not at the center of God's universe. He is. And all of this is to his glory. I don't deserve to be chosen or shown grace or loved or anything else, but he does it anyway. His mercy is glorious, but he receives glory by the fact that his desires and his will are what is carried out. So my worth really stems from God's glory. Now that's pretty cool, I think.

So what does all of this mean when it comes to digging out the lie? Well, the lie would be that I'm essentially worthless. The truth is that God has always seen me as priceless. The evidence for the lie is in my perception of being used and taken advantage of, of being small and insignificant, in being invisible. Yet I have been floored to see, just in the last 24 hours how untrue that is. I'm simply blown away. And honestly, the kind words, truth and pie that showed up hasn't done anything for my sense of self worth except to make me realize that if all of you love me this much, how much more does God desire and love me? It really has just pointed me back to Jesus.

Anyway, I'm very blessed to have friends like all of you. I'm pretty amazed, actually. God has opened my eyes to something, and I'm pretty excited to see what he does with it. Please, always point me to Jesus.

And on that note, it's time for bed.

One Thing Remains...

Higher than the mountains that i face
Stronger than the power of the grave
constant in the trial and the change

One thing remains

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me

Because on and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelmes and satisfies my soul
And i'll never, ever, have to be afraid

One thing remains

In death
In life
I'm confident and covered by the Power of Your great love

My dept is paid
Theres nothing that can separate
My heart from Your great love

Every once in a while a song comes along that really grips you. It effects you and doesn't leave you at all. This song is one of those. I have had this song in my head since for four days now and it's not getting old. It is so good to be reminded of the fact that God's love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.

How often do I forget this? How often do I expect God's love to be just like the fickle human emotion that I see day to day. Yet Love is a choice and God IS love. He is infinate and perfect in that love and it isn't fickle. He isn't man that he should change his mind. He loves so much that he made a way for our sin to be forgiven, that we can know him. He is so faithful to redeem that he came to earth as man and was executed as an innocent, sacrificed on our behalf to bring ultimate justice for our sins upon himself. His great love draws us to him even now. How much I don't deserve it, yet how much he lavishes it on us!

Thank you, Father God for your great love. Thank you Jesus for your obedience, even to death on a cross. Thank you Holy Spirit for leading me to you and continually sanctifying me. Thank you God for your grace.