reflecting...

The last three months have been a time of trial for me. On Feb 2nd, I was laid off from my job. In that time, I've sent in about 40-50 applications and got a total of three interviews, one of which I got the time wrong and missed it completely. However, God is a faithful provider and he gave me a job that I start monday.

But in the last three months, I've had to struggle through not having enough money, having to lean on others for help, fight to maintain identity and some semblance of self worth, saying good bye to good friends, and about a month ago, I broke down completely. I couldn't do it anymore. I had no strength left of my own, but I had to keep on going.

So while driving around Horsetooth, sobbing and crying out to God, he spoke a simple truth to me: I should be the source of your strength, your hope, your courage and your joy. You have failed because you wanted to find worth in prestigious work, the beautiful girl and the ability to help anyone with any problem at any time. You wanted to find worth in people pursuing you for fun times as well as for deep conversation and council. You wanted to find worth in the creation and not in me. That's why you're on empty. That's why you have no where to go now, but to me. Find these things in me, put yourself aside and I will provide them for you.

Today is Good Friday, the celebration of the Death of Jesus Christ. He lived a perfectly sinless life, in total communion with his Father, God. He is our example in this life of obedience and service. However, today is the celebration of his death, and just as Christ died to self and went on to be sacrificed for our sins, we ought to die to ourselves for the sake of Christ. This is impossible to do, however, unless we are connected to the source of our hope and joy, that is Christ. In two days, we celebrate Easter Sunday, the celebration of his ressurection, and just as Christ was raised from the dead, so we are raised to new life in him, for him and through him.